he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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