but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
