I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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