tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
