I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
did i just pee glitter
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
