quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am spending my child support on dildos
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
