I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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