i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
