If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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