the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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