he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize