omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
