So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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