She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
