Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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