You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The power of my boobs compel you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
