shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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