I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
