whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
