So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
