I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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