Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
