why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its liver damage thursday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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