Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
