Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
