I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
