I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
