Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
