i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Come on in and take your pants off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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