Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
