You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
