Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
