So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
