no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize