I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
