How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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