I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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