Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
