im drinking this country out of the recession.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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