I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
