Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
