you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Randomize
