Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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