His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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