You're my little dorito
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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