We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
