i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
