Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
