well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
