someone get that fucking seahorse.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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