At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
