Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
