I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
