I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
