I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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