I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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