are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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