VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
