I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We have so much sex to catch up on
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
