Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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