Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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