Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
