just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
