You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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