I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
