i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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