i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
