i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Shame is for Republicans.
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