Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
