so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
