I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
