I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
